Story from Lean on me by Tor Roxburg and the Lean on me sexual assault support group
I was first abused when I was about five years old. At the time I was living with my Nanna and my father. My mum was in Queensland. It first started when dad came home drunk. He came into my room and started doing things to me and I couldn’t do anything because he was so strong, and he was holding me down. His mother came in while he was doing this to me and she told him to make up a bed on the floor, but he slept in my bed. He got up the next morning and acted like nothing had happened.
Mum came home after a few weeks and he continued to abuse me, when she was and wasn’t at home. This went on for years. When he was abusing me he would have a knife at my throat and would say that if I told anyone he would kill me. So I never told anyone.
By the time I was thirteen, I found out that I had a natural mum. I wanted to find her so I could live with her. When I met her I asked her if I could live with her but didn’t tell her why. I lived with her for a couple of months but then I went back to my father and step mother because I thought that the abuse would have stopped. It didn’t, so I moved again- no one knew why I was moving back and forth all the time.
I asked my mum one day what she would do if someone’s father was sexually abusing them and she said she would probably kill them. She asked me why I asked, and I said that dad was abusing me. She called me a liar and I never brought it up again.
After a few months I went to Queensland to live. I became uncontrollable and was sent back to my step mum. By then she and dad had split up so it was safe to live with her. I told her what dad had done to me over the years and she believed me. After a couple of weeks she brought me to CASA to see Leigh. I had a few counseling sessions and began to feel better in myself.
I was made a ward of the state not long after though because I kept running away and not doing what I was told. I was put into Brayton House. Then CASA started up a Lean on Me group and I thought id try it out. Of course I kept going back because I liked it and it was helping me get rid of all the pain and hurt I had inside.
I had been abused for eight years by my dad. I still think about it because it will always be with you, no matter what. You will realize that in the long run you can’t change what happened. I tried to get back at my dad but I realise that it wasn’t him I was hurting, but me. Always remember that you are not guilty for what happened. Thanks for all your help CASA.