Story from Lean on me by Tor Roxburg and the Lean on me sexual assault support group
I was first abused when I was five. It continued until I was seven or eight. I am sixteen now.
There was a man at the caravan park where we lived who abused me for about a year of two. My brother did it for a couple of years too. It happened every time my brother came to visit. I hate my brother. I feel like killing him. It feels like he’s wrecked my life completely because I can’t go on- but then you’ve got to. You’ve got to step forward. The abuse finally stopped because my brother moved back with his real mum. Only trouble is, he tried to sexually abuse me again last year.
This year I told someone about it. It felt good. It took a huge weight off my back. You don’t feel as hurt when you’ve got someone to talk to. Some people didn’t believe me though. I never told my dad, but I told my mum because I was crying a lot and she knew that something had been troubling me for a while- I felt I should tell her. First, she didn’t believe me. She started telling me- and so did Nan- that I was just... Well they didn’t believe me. Finally, they did. Mum wanted to kill my brother
I’ve tried to trust people, but it’s hard when you get hurt all the time. I don’t know who to trust now. Different boys I’ve been out with, all they do is…. Some of them want sex or they want to see what your like, and then they use you like a piece of shit. They think, ‘oh yeah, she’s just a person that you can get on with easy, that you can sleaze on to’, but it doesn’t happen that way. The person they hurt, hurts inside and that’s bad.
My mum’s dying from leukemia- I don’t see her much. I haven’t seen her for about three months- it’s too hard with my stepfather around. I’m trying to find my dad. It’ll probably make things worse for me, but I’ve got to know who my real father is. I’ve got a right to know who he is.
Coming to group is good. It helps a lot. I reckon it helps because you’ve got a lot of support. People have been in the same situation as you.